Earning my big girl badge

I hate politics.
I have always felt that politics accomplished little more than pitting well-meaning and rational people against one another over issues that may not be earth shattering concerns. And political commercials are possibly the most horrible form of entertainment since Jerry Springer and often sound like grown-ups shouting "You're a poopy head!" and "Uh-uh, you're a booger eater!"
Yes, please let these people run my country...
But as I'm getting older (and just in case I was unsure about that, I am currently laying in bed with a heating pad wrapped around my suddenly arthritic knee) I am realizing that there is little chance that I will escape these political poopy heads (unless i can spear wild monkeys and learn a nice rain dance- and even then the man with the most wives is elected leader, so I'm still at the bottom of the food chain) so I might as well embrace the fact that politics will be shoved down my throat for the next month.
And that is why, dear friends, I am currently watching the Vice Presidential debate!
I will accept pats on the back tomorrow when I'm not naked- goodnight!

Joke's not funny

sometimes i think God kinda messes with me. like if i have a generally bad day, it is not uncommon for something actually bad to happen to put things into perspective and remind me to stop feeling sorry for myself. and today has not been the greatest day. and i have participated in my fair share of pity parties today. but as i sat on my bed uploading pictures from the weekend with patrick curled up beside me, i could not have imagined that God's next joke would come crawling out from under my sheets and send my already neurotic dog into full-blown fits.
Pat and i got the message- and im pretty sure we're not sleeping tonight :-/

Why autism chose me

If you have known me for any length of time you know that most of my life lessons come in the form of an 11-year-old boy with autism. Last weekend's lesson was about living in the details.



Eric was doing such a good job of passing the ball at soccer practice on Saturday that one of the fathers suggested he work on stopping the ball under his foot before kicking it. The request seemed simple enough, so i told Eric "Put your foot on the ball to stop it."
He looked at me like i was speaking Chinese (not an uncommon look from him) and then propped his heel up on the stationary soccer ball.
Well he almost got it. So i tell him "No, no, like this." and place the sole of my shoe on top of the ball. He immediately places his foot next to mine and i squeal with excitement that he mastered this skill so quickly.
"Now kick the ball back to Richard." I tell him.
He looks confused for a second and then, without ever taking his foot off the top of the ball, pushes it toward his partner.
So we tried again.
"Put your foot back on the ball. Good job! Now take your foot off the ball. Excellent! Now kick the ball to Richard."
When he kicked the ball sideways and nearly fell down, i realized that while he took his foot off the ball (just like i asked), he didn't actually put his foot back on the ground to support his weight and had been balancing on one foot.
We went through the entire drill again and when i told him to take his foot off the ball, i emphasized putting his foot back on the ground and standing on it. The blank look told me that this wasnt working so i got creative.
"Like this buddy!" and i jumped from foot to foot doing something of a hybrid between Riverdance and a Mexican hat dance. He copied me. Then he kicked the ball perfectly. And he stopped the ball, planted his foot, and kicked it every time after that.
Since saturday i have thought a lot about that interaction and what working with autism means to me. I have always been a very fast-paced person- i walk fast, i talk fast, and i think fast. But living fast doesnt exactly lend itself to being good with details. I like big pictures and outcomes and when i am taking in a panoramic view of the park, Eric is touching and smelling and, yes sometimes tasting, one leaf or one rock. And this is when Eric teaches me the most because sometimes the leaf or rock he chooses is the most beautiful of them all and i would have missed it. And if he kicked the soccer ball like most kids, we would have missed the chance to dance :)

What the hell???

so i woke up this morning and, like always, stumbled to my alarm clock, my underwear drawer, and finally out into the hall without ever turning on a light (dont wanna disturb the monsters- they are only good when they are sleeping). but standing in the pitch black hall this morning, something caught my eye. The entrance to the attic, which is just over my head when i walk out of my bedroom, was glowing. I remember pausing for just a second and thinking "Damn, the ceiling is glowing." and then getting in the shower.
[I am not the most rational or motivated person at 6am]
Throughout my day, my morning confusion returned to my thoughts and i wondered if a fully awake heather could still see the magic of the glowing ceiling. When it was finally dark enough outside to provide the perfect shade of blackness in the hallway, the dogs and i bravely (actually i really psyched myself out and was shaking a little) entered the darkness, armed only with a camera. I knew that a) nobody would believe that my ceiling glows and b) if i could post a picture, one of my faithful readers would surely know what was going on. I found the best angle to capture the lighted rectangle above my door and pressed the shutter button only to have the camera beep and the screen flash bright white- did i mention i was already scared?- because my battery was dead!
BUT the white screen provided just enough light for me to finally solve the mystery!
Did u guys know there is a light in the attic? Apparently i have been turning the damn thing on every night thinking i was turning off the hall light!
I wonder if lauren knew we had a light in the attic...

Cabbie Love :)

At first the dogs were not fond of the new roommates, but now they have learned to embrace the cabbage!

Because it made me smile...

Lauren stopped watering her plants on our front porch and having to walk past them everyday and watch them progress thru the various stages of dying and decomposition was difficult for me. A couple days ago I noticed that something appeared to be growing in her squash plant pot. It is growing really fast and, while i was originally a little bit grossed out, i am now embracing my new fungus friend. His name is Squish- Squish the squash fungus- and I would like you to meet him:


I got a notice that I had a "parcel" in the office and I was super excited because I knew the only thing I should be getting was the 3 dolls I ordered from ebay last week. So i went to our parcel room and was obviously looking for a cabbage patch sized box, but there were very few large boxes in the room. After looking at EVERY package (twice!) except for one sad looking package on the top shelf that was being held together by 5 lbs of packing tape (nobody would ship an ebay purchase in THAT!), i almost gave up and asked the office manager for help. Just for laughs I checked the sad box to see what poor sap would be receiving it. Look what came home with me:

just in case this pic doesnt make it painfully obvious, the sides are both caved in, there was doll hair sticking out the side, and the box had all the sturdiness of a target bag. I'm wondering where all my shipping money went...
Once I finally broke into the box (and lemme tell ya- it took some time!), I found this note:

Not gonna lie, I teared up :)
I think Virginia's dolls will be very happy here.

Paris Hilton makes me laugh

See more Paris Hilton videos at Funny or Die

and good for her for standing up for herself against the old dude :)